hmm let's see. well this past like week has been the worst week of my life almost. i found out something about my uncle that makes me cry mself to sleep. it's not fair to him that this is happening! i cant wait to go to south carolina to see him. hopefully that happens very soon.

ON A BETTER NOTE EVERYTHING WITH ERIC HAS BEEN GOING SO WELL. WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 1 YEAR & 1 MONTH! I LOVE HIM MORE THAN WORDS CAN EXPLAIN. HE'S THE MOST AMAZING,CARING,CUTE,NICEST,FUNNIEST,MOST HONEST & KIND PERSON I KNOW! HES MY BETTER HALF. HE BOUGHT ME A PROMISE RING FOR CHRISTMAS. <33 ITS BEAUTIFUL.

also on a better note my brothers band visions of another has been doing fucking awesome! they made acd which isnt completely done yet & have played like 400000 shows. & they also have shirts now. so check them out @ myspace.com/visionsofanother

:) life has been full of its ups & downs lately. i hope it evens out soon. its making me sick!

I LOVE YOU UNCLE CHUCKY<333

hey.
wow havent written in forever.
im bored.
i cant sleep.
not much to update.

but....

I FUCKING LOVE ERIC JAMES RYAN! =]

wow i haven't posted in a while. not much to update really. except recently my photography has been getting much better,i love it. i'm getting so much better at it. its amazing,everyone loves it so much. as soon as im done at pb cosmetology school im going to school for photography. i'm really excited everything has been going so well for me lately.

me & steph coia have been really good friends since 2nd grade,& we've had so many classes over the years & we've just become really good friends. she my bhfFl =best hippie friend for life,yeah get over it idc what you think. anyway,i've been hanging out with her like everyday for like 2 months now. she knows all my secrets,my feelings,my thoughts,& we've gotten so close that we can finish each others sentences,its crazy. we're like one person,we share a brian cell,& yes its supposed to say brian not brain. i really don't cae if you don't like her,don't bother telling me cause i won't listen.thats why she's my bhfFl & not yours. whenever we hang out all we do is laugh for hours & hours. we hang out so much that we have our everyday routines, lots of laughs,& lots of pictures & old memories.she's crazy & dumb,but i love her anyway.we foud nthis awesome store all for us,its called woodstock & it's a HIPPIE Store,yes i said our store & HIPPIE store. idc what you think me & steph feel so at home there,with all the bob marley,beads,tyedye,old clothes,old music,its amazing. it's such a wonderful & peaceful place. theres so much insense,it smellls likes heaven in there. i love that place its my home away from home. i cant wait to go back for the drum circles & beading classes. yeah yeah whatever think what you want,this isn't a trend or anything. i'm nto following anyone else,me & steph needed a lifestyle change,we wanted to be different,& now we are & we love it! everything is so exciting & happy.

everything with eric james ryan is going simply amazing! i love him with all my heart & soul. he's my everything,my heart, my soul,my better half. without him i feel incomplete.he's such an inspiration to me,& such a refreshment,i really needed him. he came into my life at the right time,though i do miss nick may terribly. but anyway eric has inspired me to do better in school & go to school for hair after because it makes me happy. because of him ive gotten better grades,a wonderful life, & a possible husband,hahaah j/k =) though i am very in lvoe with him even if it has only been 4 months,i'm telling you it was love at first sight. it was beautiful<33


I LOVE MY LIFE!!!

ok so seriously leave my life alone. i'm sick & tired of going to school everyday & havign you bother me. i'm sorry that i hurt you,i really am. i'd love to be friends but you obviously can't be mature enough to do that.i miss you,but i wish you'd leave me alone for at least a day or so.i care about you & everything & no matter what you do or say to me i'll always have love for you. i wish you just could be happy that i'm happy. because if i'm gonig to be happy for you when you're happy with someone. well i just wanted to get that off my chest.

so recently i started gonig out with eric ryan. he's a really amazing person.i've never been treated the way he treats me before & i can't get enough of it! he's so nice & buys me little gifts & such all the time. he cooks for me & brings me food in bed. he's a really great guy. he can drive, has an awesome truck,he has a job, & he knows how to treat a girl...plus he's really really cute. what could be better? i love him! he's the best =) <3

let's see i've started talknig to alexis again & i love it! i missed her so much. she went with me & eric on monday to get my eyebrow pierced. we proceeded to bake cookies after. it was fun. her & eric got along really well.& on the way back from south street we ran out of gas & had to pull over 7 it was pretty much the funniest thing ever. well anyway my eyebrow piercing didn't hurt at all & i absolutely love it! as does everyone else. & now eric is considering getting his done & if he does...omg...hah he'd look so hott with it.

me & morgan have been hanging out alot lately. i love her! i don't know why we didn't become best friends sooner! she's so much fun.we go bowling every friday night til 3am & we go on our breaks together at lunch. we've only been friends for a short amount of time but she's already a better friend than my past friends. i love you tweedle dee<333

i'll write more later.

wow it's amazing how i sitll can't get over drew's death.i know it's been 3 months today since he passed. you would think i'd stopped crying,but i haven't. it's so hard to wake up everyday & think about how short his life really was.sometimes i feel so guilty for going out & having fun knowing that drew is dead. i just feel so guilty about it.it sucks.i feel like ishouldn't be doing anything except sitting inside & being sad. because lately thats all i wanted to do,you know?it's just that i never sawe his body in that casket. i thought for the longest time that drew wasn't dead because of that.though technically he isn't dead because he lives on through stories & memories & through our hearts & prayers.drew wil never die if we can keep these stories & such circling around. the pictures will always be there for us to look at & laugh at.

stuck-by visions of another [it's about drew =(]
i don't know what is wrong with me.
all i know is that i can't be free.
17 years go by and i'm here,
with dead whipsers in my ears.
and i'm gonna fight til the end,
you will not be my last friend.
one of the hardest things to do,
is seeing your whole life come unglued.
take this thing out from me,
i'm struggling to breath and i can't sleep.
i'm stuck in this cage,these empty rooms,
and my heart is singing the blues.
i'm feeling left out life passed me by,
but you still won't see me cry.
stuck to machines that make me live,
but it seems like they're killing me.
and right now nothings wrong,
tomorrow i wish i was gone.
i'm stuck in this cage,these empty rooms,
and my heart is singing the blues.
i'm feeling left out life passed me by,
but you still wont see me cry.
stuck in this cage,these empty rooms,
and my heart is singing the...
i'm stuck in this cage,these empty rooms,
amd my heart is singing the blues.
im feeling left out life passed me by,
but you still wont see me cry.
you wont see me cry.(x3)

it really is an amazing song.

www.myspace.com/visionsofanother

check them out. you won't be sorry.

let's see.halloween was so much fun.haha me & tara were fucking crazy. REESE'S!!!! we want the reese's!haha & some old lady kept telling us to stay young & trick or treat every year & stuff. halloween is my favorite fucking holiday.its so much fun. but lately it seems less & less people go out. it's really quite sad,you know?

ok well november 1st was my birthday.18 yrs young =) my mommy bought me a big hello kitty balloon & 4 little pink & purple balloons. i also got $50 dollars so far i still have to see my aunts & uncles & such. i got 2 marilyn monroe shirts<3 and a new hello kitty pen.& MY FUCKING THURSDAY TICKET!

friday i had work.than went home & hung out with my brother & everyone.& i actually loved friday alot even later that night.

& SUNDAY I WENT TO THE FUCKING THURSDAY CONCERT WITH MY BESTEST FRIEND!i was so fucking excited.the concert was fucking amazing!i loved it. theypalyed mine & tara's song & we started to freak out! i love my shortcake<3 she really is my best friend. i love her to death.but sometimes she really fucking smells.& she's fucking blue.<3 hahaha. ok picture time.

p.s. i love how people talk so much shit on people & has for like 2 yrs. calling them sluts & ugly. & saying how much they hate them.& then hangs out with them like their best friends.it's amusing as hell! hahahahahaha <3

( don't step on the mome raths )

people are seriously starting to get on my fucking nerves.

i'm not naming anyone,i just like to see who assumes things.it's funnier that way.

-you're a copy cat.
-you are so fucking dramamtic over everything & anything.
-get over yourself already.
-you are always fishing for compliments.
-stfu already,the only thing fat on you is your mouth.
-you're not sexy or cute so just stop.
-you don't know what love is.
-not everything revolves around you.
-you're really fuckign annoying.
-stop being ignorant & doing shit in frotn of me on purpose.
-stop flirting with him,he doesn't like you.
-no one cares about you or you're bff.
-you're not one bit original even if you think you are.
-no one can ever get word in edge wise with you around.
-no one wants to hear you talk about yourself the whole time.
-you're a sluttttt.
-you're really not as interesting as you think.
-i really do hate you but iwon't say so for he sake of others.

i'll finish this later. now go on and assume things.leave lots of anonymouse commetns or not.idc.

ok if i hear one more girl say "i'm fat" i might just fucking scream! stop fishing for attention,you're not fat.the only thing fat on you is your mouth!get over it!

another thing,inside jokes are between friends,not just everyone. so don't be all up in mine & my best friends shit.you don't know what we're talkign about it.i mean it's cool i guess if you think it's funny,but i doubt you understand it fully.it's kind of annoying.


HALLOWEEN!!! fuckign favorite holiday ever! & not just because it's the day before my birthday,but because everything about it is just so wonderfull. pumpkinsm,hayrides,fall,the beautiful leaves,haunted houses,apple cider,puffed ice ball,cold weather,costumes,decorations,halloween party,presents,& that wonderful feeling i get on that day.it's amazing! i can't wait! this year will be the best. me & tara are probably going out.don't know yet,but we both want to be a bumble bee! haha =) <3

hmm update.

friday was interesting in school and after.saturday i believe i hung out with nick and my brother and his friends.sunday was a horrible fucking day and i don't need to write more about that.monday stayed home from school for personal reasons saw kelso for a short period of time. i miss the fuck outta her =).and today was the one of the harder days of my life.

today i hung out with tara.haha i love that girl.i cut her bangs the way she wanted them.i cut them like hailey williams' bangs. only cause she's been bugging me for like months to do it.it came out better than i thought.i love her. she's my best friend.she's keeps me smiling and going.haha ouhhhhhh hishhh armshh.hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.you heard my words!!pip pip da doodly doo.hah i love her so much. i don't know what i'd do without her.

lately food has been my enemy.i don't care much for it. it doesn't look appetizing at all.it's repulsive to look at.i can't even think about it without almost throwing up.i'm in so much pain. my stomach hurts when i laugh.my shoulder hurts when i move it back or up.my bakc is killing me. i'm done for now. pictures later.

ehh i have pictures to post but i don't feel like doing it.

felt like updating i guess.even though there isn't much to update.let's see tonight i made tara a cake.i missed the way we used to be. we used to hang out like everyday. but just because we don't hang out doesn't mean she's not my best friend. she really is the best friend a girl could ever have. haha taco bell =)

hmm,fall...favorite fucking season ever! pumpkin picking,halloween,MY BIRTHDAY!,costumes,hayrides,and apple cider. life really doesn't get any better than that. fall is just simply the most beautiful and amazing season.


i know i write about drew alot but i can't help it. everytime i hear the word cancer i want to burst out in tears and start screaming.it's not fair he's gone.but i have to face facts. for my birthday me and my brother are going to the thursday show as a present but we aren't just going for our birthdays,we're going to honor drew. the last show me and my brother went to with drew was to see thursday. I AM THE KILLER,was drews favorite song,i hope they play it,i know it's an old song but it would make my brother so happy. this show is in memory and honor of the best person to ever walk on earth.

lately i've been thinking about drew alot.and it just makes me so upset to even look at his face in pictures or talk about memories.it's just so hard to adjust to not having him around.it's horrible.he was such an amazing part of my life and i'm glad i got the chance to meet him and become such good friends with him.he's taught me alot. but lately i've been having trouble admiting to the fact that he really is gone. because he's not to me and i don't care who says what he's not dead.

i love tara.she's my best friend. haha we hung out the other day and my dog ate the paint off my moms wall. so we went downstairs and went through all these buckets of blue paint and finally found the right one.tara wanted to paint all of it and she smells so i let her paint the wall and i painted her arm.then i finished the wall and turned around to find tara had painted her whole arm.so we painted our arms blue and put blue lines on our face.hahah it had to be the funniest thing i've ever seen.i can tell her anything.she's like my fucking sister.she's a blue mothafuckin' bitch but i lovve her to pieces.haha<33.and i was thinking schools going to help me renew friendships because lately some just seem to be dissapearing.it would be pretty cool to have a first day of school like i did last year.haha me tara and brit hung out and went to the mall.wasn't much but i liked it. and i miss them both.

here's some pictures,not sure i put any of these up before but oh well.

( Read more... )

bahahaha girls make me laugh hysterically.seriously,grow up.get over it.

anyway,weeeeeeee,so i've been listening to all time low for like 3475623857795860 weeks straight.i love them.thursday,bmth,and all time low are my 3 favorite bands.i don't know many people who like them or anything,but people should start listening to them.their really good.Tonight is alive with the promise of astreet-fight,and there's money on the table,that says your cheap-shots won't be able,to break bones. haha.

anyway,florida was fun even though my cousin ashley copied everything i did. i wanted a shirt and i was going to get but i told her i wanted it and she went and bought so i couldn't get it. than i pointed out a shirt to my mom and we went back to buy it and the store was closed.the next day i see ashley once again in the shirt i wanted.she's annoying as hell.and i'm getting so sick and tired of her copying everything i do.i swear i'm going to kill her.

d00d i miss my bff tara beckerrrrr so much.but i get to see her tomorrow.she really is my best friend and i love it.she's homo and eats catpoop but thats okay.i can see past that.hahaha bj!

i'm not happy with myself or my life anymore.

well let's see.august 15th was drew's veiwing and looking at that casket with his picture and hat that he always wore sitting on top of it was super hard to do.august 16th was the funeral and the ceremony was beautiful but than again death isn't beautiful.the church ceremony was amazing but i got so upset i was sick to my stomach. the only part that really got me was having to watch the casket go right past me out the door and into the herse.we all drove over to the cemetery. the hardest thing i had to see was my brother carrying his best friends casket to the burial spot.my brother stayed strong and told me that drew was in a better place and my brother didn't cry because he knew that drew was no longer in pain and was finally happy.he knew that drew would always be looking down and watching out for my brother.he told me that he was happy drew had gone,because he did it in a peaceful way,in his sleep.he was happy drew no longer hurt from cancer adn all the surgery's but my brother also said that if he could he would take drew's place.

after the funeral we left for florida and i could tell my brother was hurting from losing his best friend.but i did whatever i could to make him happy.my brother means alot to me and so did drew.

i don't care if it's been 2 or 3 weeks since drew passed,everything is still just hitting me.just last night i cried my eyes out on the phone with nick for almost an hour about it.drew was my brother.and it wasn't fair he died. but me and my borther are gettign tattoos together,because we know that through this tattoo drew will live on forever<3

pictures and more about florida later to come.

Happy Birthday Drew<3

today everyoen sang happy birthday to you while looking up at the sky holding a cupcake.it was really very lovely.you would've loved it alot and i'm sure you did,because i know you're watching over us.everyone here misses you but we know now that god only took you from us because we love you and didn't want to see you suffer any longer.so god decided to do this and have you watch over us forever.you would've been 25 today,but no matter how old i am,where i live,who i'm married too,or anything,i will sing happy birthday to you every year til the day i die.you weren't just a friend,you were my brother<3

R.I.P. I love you forever<3

i know no one really cares,but me my mother and my sister have all decided to get a tattoo of the chinese symbol for strength with drews name under it sometime soon. i really hope we got through with it.it means so much t ome to get this tattoo.i hope it's soon :[ </3 R.I.P. Drew<3

actually i've found out that the veiwing has been moved to wednsday night which is the night before i leave for vacation.and the funeral is thursday.we were supposed to leave at 4am but my parents are being nice and letting us leave after the funeral,thank the lord!<3 i miss drew so much already.i can't believe he relaly is gone. but i'm tryign to stay strong for my brother my sister and drew<3

Broadcasted in the 1st inning of the Phillies game, 8/9/07: Phillies lost a great fan today; when 24 year old Drew Spinelli of Moorsetown, NJ passed away after a long battle with leukemia. Just 24 years young and our deepest sympathy to the Spinelli family on the passing of their son Drew. -Harry Kalas

isn't that the sweetest thing anyone could have done?

anyway,for those of you who don't know drew or what he went through,drew is 24 yrs old and has a twin sister.his birthday is august 12th,he would've been 25,it's such a shame that from now on after 24 yrs of celebrating birthdays together,jules (drews twin) will be celebrating alone.when drew was about 17 i believe he was diagnosed wit hbone cancer nd the doctors told him he wouldn't live through that. it left scars adnd a metal rod,but he made it through and was very strong.last year around christmas time he was diagnosed with leukimia which is his second round with a rare cancer.he's stayed stong for quite some time now. but his body couldn't take it much longer.sometime after april 7th his leukimia came back stronger and he had to start treatment all over again.but he pulled through as long as he could.july 20 something he had a bone marrow transplant,but his body didn't take to it and he started getting several infections and his body kept getting weaker adn weaker.by august 8th theyknew drew wouldn't make it and called my brother ( who was his best friend) to come tell stories and say goodbye.august 9th 2007 at 6:40 a.m. drew finally found peace. what had happened was the transplant didn't work and his leukimia came back 65% and his body couldn't handle it any longer.R.I.P. Drew. you were such and amzing strong sweet funny easy going person.i love you with all of my hearty.i considered you my brother and i will til the day i die.<3 goodbye.

www.drewspinelli.com

although drew is not with us anymore,he will live on in memory,through stories,adn through many peoples prayers and thoughts.i look at it this way,god needed a special angel and he chose the best one i know.even though you may not know the spinelli family please keep them in your prayers and hope for th best,but don't leave out drew.he's the most amazing and special person i know,and he will be forever<3

the veiwing for drew is monday night so now i'm not going to bmth :[ but that's ok because drew is much mor eimportant than some band that won't be around forever anyway. besides they'll be back in september anyway.but the veiwing is going to be so hard for me.i don't think i'm going to be able to keep myself together,and help to keep my sister together too.it still hasn't really hit me that i'll never see drew again and that he really is dead but ui know as soon as monday hits,i'll realize it big time :[

i know i posted already today.but all i've doen today is cry cry cry.i went out once and i got a new camera but idon't even care about that. in my mind drew is not dead and i'll just deny it as long as i can,he's not dead and i don't care what anyone has to say.but as soon as sunday comes i'm going to cry for hours on end because he won't be there to sing happy birthday too.this has to be the worst day of life by far.i'm crying as i write this.i can't take it anymore.he's not dead.it's not fair! why him?! god why are you such a fuckign dick.everyone keeps telling me that god just needed another special angel but did he have to take the best person on earth?seriously?! only the good die young has to be the most truthful thing i've ever heard.i don't care if anyone who reads this doesn't care,this is my journal and my feelings.fuck you god! and fuck you life! why do people have to die and why do they have to be so young? seriously,drew was liek my fucking brother that i'll never see again. and it hasn't hit me yet,but by the time the funeral comes around i'll be liek a little baby and cry forever.


8/12/82-8/9/07<3
i love you so much.
& i'm going to miss you more than anything.
on your birthday drew,i'm singing to you anyway,hoping you will hear me in heaven<333 =(

i can't believe this happened!you were such an amazing person.we love with all of our hearts.i still think and hope this is just a really bad dream.i don't want to believe but i have no choice.your gone and all i can do is hysterically cry.i miss you so much already. i got the worst wake up call of my life this morning.and i wish i had never gotten it.i love you so much and i will never forget all the fun times we had together.i wish i could've seen you once more before this happened.but you're not with us anymore because god thinks your specical and needed you with him.i feel like i just lost my brother.this is thw worst.


you wont be comin' back
and i didn't get to say goodbye
i really wish i got to say goodbye
REST IN PEACE<33

update:i know everyones always tellign me to look at the brighter side of things and look at all the good times we shared,but i think about it and realize we won't be sharing anymore of those good times. all i can do is hold them in my memory forever and always.i won't ever forget anythign we've done.the times in las vegas when you put on girls underwears or even when i got drunk with you.i won't forget the last time i saw you at your party.or when i gave you that collage of pictures and brought it to you in the hospital.everyone told me you'd make it throguh and right now i jst to scream at everyone who said that because they lied.i know it's selfish of me to still want you here but you were like my fucking brother and losing you is like having someone rip out my heart.it's not fair for you to die,you were the nicest,sweetest,funniest,most generous,easy going person i ever met. and you don't deserve this at all. and the worst part is for your birthday you're getting buried while your twin sister gets the worst birthday present ever.i'm sorry this had to happen and if there was anyway to take it back and put myself in your hsoes i'd do it in a heartbeat.i love you drew and i'll never forget you as long as i live,you'll be in my heart<33